


Follow the moonlight home

by Lakritzwolf



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Erebor Never Fell, Forced displacement, Hurt/Comfort, Kili is a shapeshifter, M/M, Shapeshifting, violent witch hunters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-18 15:59:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12391434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lakritzwolf/pseuds/Lakritzwolf
Summary: A gift for shinigami714 for the Durin's Day Gift Exchange hosted by gatheringFiKi on tumblr. They're an amazing artist AND author and it was a privilege and a pleasure to be able to take a piece of their art and write something for it.I’m on a wolf kick, so here’s an AU where Kili comes from a long line of wolf shifters.  He lives in the woods amongst nature with his family until one day strangers invade their territory and completely destroy his pack.  Kili is the only survivor.  He’s just a boy.  And he spends his days roaming the woods alone, searching for somewhere to call home.  Many years later, when he’s sure all hope is lost, he comes across a travelling merchant with eyes that remind him of the moon.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [shinigami714](https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinigami714/gifts).



> Inspiration for the title was [Follow the heron home](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-6zAg9IIgKo), by Karine Polwart.

The memories would never stop haunting him, and the wolf was the only way he had to escape. The memories were less bright, less painful, not like a searing needle in his mind. The wolf felt differently, thought differently; the wolf lived more in the here and now instead of fighting painful memories and fearing a dreadful future.

And yet, he could still see the fires when he closed his eyes. And even in the wolf he still felt the fear.

_It was the smell of burning pitch that had roused them, but the humans had moved with such stealth, not even the fine wolf ears of the sentries had noticed them. And by the time they did, it was too late._

_Some of Kili’s people shifted to fight; others took up arms. Two or three of the intruders fell to the blades or teeth of his people, but it made no difference. There were too many attackers. Torches flew and set roofs on fire._

_Torn from sleep, as all the others, Kili had stumbled outside after his parents, and was now watching with growing horror as strangers dragged his friends and their parents out of already burning houses. His house was at the edge of the village and still hidden in the shadows cast by the fire greedily licking at the thatched roofs._

_“Kili, Run.”_

_His father pushed him into the direction of the undergrowth and the darkness beyond the houses. Petrified by fear as he watched the strangers cut down his people, Kili couldn’t move._

_“RUN!”_

_His father pushed him again, roughly this time, and Kili stumbled towards the darkness._

_“Hide! Don’t look back!”_

_Kili crawled behind the hawthorn bush and stared at the carnage. He watched the humans cut down his uncle and his wife, he watched them tear baby Thali out of her arms and impale her like you would spear a rabbit. Tears running down his cheeks he watched in helpless horror as they cut down his mother and father._

_In the end, they set every house on fire before throwing the bodies into them, and they left again, unaware of a little boy cowering behind a hawthorn bush. They hadn’t even spared their livestock._

_Kili still cowered there behind the hawthorn bush as the sun rose, and he first moved close to noon, his legs all pins and needles from kneeling so long. He stumbled out of his hiding place on numb legs and looked around at what last night had been his home, and was now hardly more than a heap of smouldering timber. Blood stained the ground where only hours ago, chickens had peacefully scratched the dirt._

_Something rustled behind him._

_“Mama?”_

_Kili cautiously took a step towards the remains of his parents’ house._

_“Papa?”_

_But it had only been a few timbers that had crumbled into nothing but dying embers. And then he realised that what he was looking at wasn’t kindling or splintered wood but bones, charred and burned, brittle, blackened bones still shaped like a hand._

_He turned around and ran._

_He ran and he ran, sobbing and retching and gasping for breath, unmindful of twigs that hit his face, leaving angry red welts and scratches. He ran and ran until he collapsed and couldn’t take another step. And he cried and cried until he passed out from exhaustion._

_And when he woke up, Kili was alone. He wanted to die, to fall asleep and never wake up, but something made him get up as the sun had risen over him again and he crawled towards the little stream to drink. He was hungry and eventually, found some late wild strawberries and some early blackberries, both neither satisfying nor filling. On sore feet and tired legs he stumbled onward, away, just away from the burnt houses and the charred fingers reaching out for him as if they wanted to drag him with them into the darkness of the realms beyond._

_When the hunger began to hurt and burn his stomach, he shifted and tried to hunt. But he was young, and clumsy and slow, and in the end he ate a frog in his despair. It was late summer now, and mother would take him along to gather mushrooms, and the memory of her delicious mushroom soup made Kili want to retch up the nasty frog again. But he was sure the slimy cold thing would be even nastier coming up than it had been going down, so he tried to find a few more berries instead. Early blackberries that were still sour, hawthorn berries that were edible but tasted of wet flour, and the sloes were just awful, ripe or not._

_At home, the men and the women without children would go out and hunt. Kili had pestered his father last autumn, and had been told he would need to grow another year or two. He had asked again this summer. He would never go and be a hunter together with his father._

_The tears came again. Growing up in the tight-knit community of his people, he had never experienced loneliness before. There had always been people to care for him and about him. Now he found himself completely and utterly alone in a hostile and frightening world._

_An old beech tree that had fallen last winter now provided him with shelter in the hole under its root plate. He was out of the wind but still cold, and the moment he closed his eyes he could hear angry shouts and smell burning pitch and wood. They followed him into his dreams even as he was finally overcome by exhaustion._

_The hunger was always burning. He had nothing with which to make fire, so he ate those few mushrooms he knew were edible without cooking, berries that were safe to eat, and those nuts he could reach. But in the end he shifted again and tried to hunt. He wasn’t a real hunter yet, and now impaired by hunger and exhaustion all he would ever catch would be frogs or toads or other nasty creatures. The squirrel he roused flit up a tree, mocking him with chattering laughter._

_But Kili shifted back and using his hands, dug up the nest of nuts at the bottom of the tree._

_Autumn was fast approaching and Kili had no cloak, no boots and not even a blanket. The only way not to freeze to death was to shift and stay wolf so his fur would keep him warm._

_Tearing off large, thick branches of a fir tree with his bare hands and weak by hunger and exhaustion was almost too much, but in the end he had a roof of some sort over the hole beneath the root plate. He filled the bottom of the little hollow with dried leaves. It wasn’t warm, but it kept him dry and somewhat sheltered._

_Winter came on bitter gales of wind. The small creatures were all hidden safely away in their burrows, and birds were impossible for him to catch. But his nose led him to one of those burrows and his paws quickly dug into the earth, and alternating between those and his hands he finally managed to dig into the rabbit hole and the nest of sleeping, warm and furry bodies. The wolf devoured them all._

_A few days later he came across a wounded doe caught in a snare. She panicked when she saw the young wolf, but she couldn’t run and was helpless, an easy prey even for as inexperienced a hunter as Kili was. He gorged himself on her flesh, but only as he was licking the blood off his snout he realised that if there was one snare, there would be others, and snares were made by humans._

_He raced back to his little burrow, panicked about humans finding his tracks, and waited for dusk because humans normally slept at night. And he fled again. He found no more traces of humans or their traps, but they were somewhere here, and Kili ran._

_After a few days he found another uprooted tree and went through the laborious task of turning the hollow under its roots into a shelter again._

_Kili survived his first winter solely as a wolf, because the only thing that kept him from freezing to death was his fur. He survived by digging up burrows of rabbits and squirrel hoards, and spent his nights curled up into a ball in his scanty little shelter._

_On the first day warm enough to enjoy the sun, after the snow had mostly melted, he dared to shift back again, only to discover that his clothes didn’t fit him properly anymore; they were hanging loosely from his body because he was so scrawny from going hungry most of the time. They also smelled rancid and musty. He tried to wash them in the river, but it helped little._

_Spring came, and Kili caught his first fawn. He could hardly remember how it was to eat his fill and be satisfied, so he couldn’t stop eating until he almost had to throw up. It was still hard to think of his mother’s delicious stews, or the freshly baked bread. The memories of the smell of bread, and the taste of it, still warm from the oven, warm enough to make the butter melt, brought tears to his eyes again._

_Kili learned to hunt that summer, and he forced the memories of bread and stew out of his mind as best as he could. In late summer he found wolf tracks, and he left his little shelter behind again because wolves would only see him as an intruder._

_He travelled at night to avoid human hunters, the moonlight and his wolf vision turning the world grey in grey. Kili tried to imagine the moon as his companion, a friend who lit his way and yet wouldn’t reveal him to the hunters. He wanted to believe it made him feel less scared and less alone._

_He headed further west, away from everything he had ever known, and at one point he realised he would never find his way back again even if he wanted to. But there was nothing to go back to, so it didn’t matter._

_The ground rose under his steps as he travelled and the hills became steeper and rockier. Kili found a small cave in a crag of rocks bursting out of the flank of a hill and decided to stay. Autumn was approaching again and he needed shelter for the winter. He made a bed of leaves and twigs and built a makeshift door out of thick branches of a fir that he tied together with vines from old-man’s-beard. He wished he could have stocked up on food, but he had nothing he could stock apart from berries and nuts. So he collected as many of those that he could, spread the berries out on the grass to dry and stored them in little baskets clumsily woven from reeds and grass._

_The winter was long and hard, but Kili could hunt now, even though hunting alone was hard and he still went hungry quite often, but he never found traces of other real wolves. Spring came, and after being able to shed his fur, Kili would sit for many hours on the rocks above the entrance to his little cave, watching the hawks fly above. He foraged as much as he could during summer and autumn._

_That winter, he barely escaped human fur hunters who were roaming the hills Kili had tentatively dared to call his home. But they never were, and they would never be. He spent the rest of the cold and dark time hiding in his cave and only leaving it when the hunger was too dire._

_The pale orb of the moon above was Kili’s only companion. Moonlight glittered cold on crystals of snow, but on cloudy nights grey darkness was all that Kili could see and feel. He longed for the moon in those nights._

_With spring he left again, but he had to discover his clothes, hardly more than rags now, didn’t fit him anymore, and he tore up the shirt to use as a loincloth so he wouldn’t have to go naked. He kept it in the next shelter he found, a last reminder of his home, but he never wore it again. Home was gone, and it didn’t make sense to cling to memories that were fading and yet still painful at the same time._

_When spring came again, Kili didn’t bother with the tattered remains of his shirt anymore. He was in the wolf, and he didn’t see the point of trying to be man anymore. He wondered why he still cared at all. He didn’t understand what made him cling to life when everything making life worth living had been torn away from him._

_But for some reason he didn’t lie down to die and travelled on. He followed the moon at night, a shadow among shadows. He didn’t know what lay ahead, or where the moon would guide him. Maybe nowhere at all. But he didn’t dare to travel during the day when humans might be around, so he let the moon be his guide. He wondered if it mattered, but he didn’t know what else to do._

“Don’t hide in the wolf for too long.”

His mother had always told him that, but Kili no longer cared. He was wolf, and he didn’t become man again. He hunted and he slept. He had a man’s mind, but slowly, he was beginning to think like a wolf. Winters passed, but wolves don’t count their years, and neither did Kili.

* * *

Kili was on one of his hunts when disaster struck.

He had neither seen a trace nor smelled a trace of humans, so when the searing pain around his left foreleg suddenly grabbed him he was too shocked to react properly. Maybe the man would have realised what it was and stopped, but the animal struggled and only succeeded in pulling the snare tighter around his leg.

He couldn’t free himself. He was dead. He couldn’t escape the snare.

Then a memory arose in his mind. He had hands. Hands could free him.

So for the first time in years that Kili hadn’t cared to count he shifted back, and he stared at the bare skin of his arms and hands with a strange feeling he couldn’t name. It took him a while to tell his fingers what to do, and he picked at the knots of the sling with gritted teeth. It hurt, and he was bleeding, and just as he was wondering what the strange sounds were that he was hearing he realised that it was his own voice. He was sobbing in pain.

And the next sound he heard made his blood run cold.

“Hello?”

Kili gritted his teeth and picked at the knot, but in his panic he only succeeded in pulling the sling even tighter.

“Hello?”

And then someone stepped into view, a man with hair the colour of the sun and with eyes that made him think of the moon.

* * *

Whistling under his breath Fili had to resist counting his coins again. His pouch hung heavy and clinking at his belt, and he had not only the reason but also the means to celebrate this summer when he would be home again.

Metal goods from the mountains of his birth always sold good, be it in times of peace or war. And Esgaroth, largest city south of the mountains, made use of both. There was nothing you couldn’t buy – and thus sell – in the city on the Long Lake, and ironmongery and ingots from the mountains were only a part of it.

Fili clicked his tongue at his mare who had been about to inspect a shrub for grazing possibilities, and took her halter again. He could have sat on the wagon to hold the reins, but the weather was fine and mild for this time of year and he enjoyed walking and stretching his legs.

If the weather held it would be two or three days until he reached Dale, and then only a few more hours until the gates of Erebor. He would be home well before Durin’s Day, and this year he would...

“I don’t think I will, will I?” He asked no one in particular, but his mare flicked one ear at him. “I know.” He patted her neck. “Uncle Thorin has been nagging me for years, but I just... I just don’t want to marry just for the sake of being married.”

The mare neighed, but if she was agreeing or mocking him Fili didn’t know.

“I really wish I had someone else to talk to. Ponies, and I mean no offence Minty, aren’t particularly good at conversations.”

The mare nodded as if to say ‘no offence taken.’

Minty was a mountain pony, bred for sturdiness and for being calm and peaceful creatures. So when she suddenly tossed her head and snorted loudly, Fili tensed and looked around.

“What is it, Minty?”

Then Fili could hear it as well. Something rustled in the bushes towards the right, not too far away from the road, and he could hear noises that sounded as if someone was struggling and crying. One hand on the hilt of his sword, Fili dropped the reins and took a few steps towards the undergrowth. His pony, well-trained as she was, remained in place.

“Hello?”

The closer he got to the source of the sound the surer he got that it was a voice he was hearing, and he eventually realised that he had indeed heard someone cry. A man, to be precise.

“Hello?”

And then he stepped past the bushes into a tiny clearing. Before him on the ground was a man, a naked man, with long and wild, dark and untamed hair and wide brown eyes that looked at him in absolute panic. His left wrist was trapped in a snare, with blood running down his fingers.

Fili slowly lifted both hands. “I mean no harm,” he said. “And that isn’t my snare. I can help you.”

The stranger stared at him as if he had never seen a dwarf before, and Fili briefly wondered if he was one of the spirit folk. But spirit folk didn’t bleed, or so he was told, but why the man was naked and looked so spooked he couldn’t even begin to guess.

He approached the man very slowly, and very slowly went down into a crouch. The stranger snarled at him, baring his teeth, and tried to back away. But the snare made it impossible, and his growl was hoarse with pain.

“I won’t hurt you,” Fili said again as calmly as he could. “I am going to get you out of that snare.”

He pulled a knife and the naked stranger began to tear at the sling so hard it looked as if he was about to rip off his own hand.

“Hey!” Fili lifted his other hand. “No! I won’t hurt you! Just let me cut that string!”

The stranger was too panicked, he acted more like an animal than a human, so Fili sliced into the string without further ado. It was taut due to the stranger trying to pull out of it so it snapped instantly. The man fell flat onto his backside, staring up at Fili with his mouth agape. He had beautiful eyes, but those eyes were so full of terror that it made Fili’s heart bleed.

“Here,” he said gently. I really don’t mean to...”

But the stranger had scrambled onto his feet again and, cradling the injured wrist in his arm, vanished into the undergrowth behind him as swiftly and silently as an arrow.

Fili slowly crossed his arms with a frown. “You’re welcome, I guess.”

Then he shrugged and turned around.

His pony was still waiting where he had left her, patient as always.

“Well that’s a story to tell back home,” he muttered and took Minty’s reins again. “Not that anyone will believe me.”

He looked over his shoulder as he and the mare got into motion again, but he neither heard nor saw any trace of that handsome stranger with the terrified eyes.

* * *

Kili was still fighting for breath as he fell onto his knees next to an old beech. He leaned against the smooth trunk and closed his eyes, but then forced them open again to free himself from the remains of the sling. His fingers were weak and clumsy after so long a time of disuse, but he eventually managed to untie the knot. His wrist was bleeding and it hurt like fire.

As soon as he had rid himself of the sling he shifted back, but the moment his paw touched the ground his leg gave way under him. He stopped for a moment and closed his eyes, and then limped onward on three legs. Walking like this was slow and agonizing, and Kili was also afraid again. Wounded, he was easy prey for other predators if there were any around, but what was worse was that he couldn’t hunt like this, and neither could he forage properly.

Kili shifted back into his man form and fell down, leaned his back against the nearest tree and closed his eyes with a sob. He was lost. Finally, after so many years of surviving, he was lost. He had known all along that it had always been a question of when, not if, he would injure himself and perish. And now the time had come. He had no one to help him. No one who cared. No one who could care because no one knew of his existence.

No one but a man with hair the colour of the sun and eyes the colour of the moon just after sunset.

After labouring onto his feet again Kili took a few hesitant steps, cradling his injured wrist in his other arm. He had been so kind. Helpful. His eyes had been so kind.

And yet, Kili was afraid. Kili knew that there had to be good people out there, people who would never do what those people had done to his family back then. But he had no way of knowing.

Before he knew it he had taken a few steps towards the road, but even as he wondered if it was worth the risk getting killed he realised that just hearing a voice again, even only a few words, had awoken something inside him that he had forgotten. He followed the road, hidden in the undergrowth beside it until he could hear the pony. He ducked and hurried forward, but when he had caught up to the man and his pony and wagon he hesitated again.


	2. Chapter 2

Lost in thought Fili walked down the hard-packed dirt road leading Minty by the reins. The young, wild man had been so terrified. Had he thought Fili was going to kill him?

Shaking his head, Fili looked up again and saw that next to the road, a small clearing had appeared, and a small well.

“Thirsty?” He asked his pony, but Minty had already extended her nose towards the water. “Yes, we might as well take a break now. I’m thirsty too, and I could use a bite to eat.”

So he unbridled his pony and filled a nosebag with oats for her. After she had drunken her fill Fili left her to her meal and unpacked his own lunch, simple wayfarer’s fare consisting of bread, cheese, a smoked sausage, and a stone bottle of ale.

The weak ale was perfect to accompany a lunch on the road on a warm day, but Fili still preferred the stronger brews made by his people in the mountains. He was very much looking forward to a mug of cool, foaming Erebor Dark.

Sitting down on the grass he unpacked his food and spread it out on the napkin he had wrapped it into. He was just reaching for the bread when he heard a sound behind him, and he was on his feet in an instant, his hand on the hilt of his sword.

“Who goes there?”

He got no answer and didn’t relax, his eyes searching the shadows beneath the trees. A movement on his right caught his eyes and he turned around to see someone step free of the undergrowth.

It was the young man with the terrified eyes. He was still cradling his injured arm, and he looked like a frightened deer, ready to bolt any moment.

Fili slowly took his hand away from the sword. “Can I help you?”

The young man looked at his wrist and back at Fili again.

“You’re injured, I can see that. I’m not a healer or anything, but I can find something to make a bandage.”

And hopefully find something that could serve as a piece of clothing or two. He really was completely naked, there wasn’t a thread of fabric on his body which was somewhere between sinewy and scrawny. His hair though was surprisingly smooth, and not an unkempt tangled mass as you would expect from someone running wild in the woods like this. He was a conundrum.

“So...” Fili took a deep breath. “I really mean you no harm. I won’t hurt you. I don’t know if I can really help, but you don’t have to be afraid of me.”

The stranger took a very hesitant step closer. His whole body as taut as a bowstring, he looked ready to bolt if Fili made a wrong move.

“Don’t be afraid,” Fili said as calmly as he could.

He didn’t even know why he cared so much about this stranger, but there was something about him that touched Fili’s soul. Not only was he terrified, but also completely alone. Because otherwise, he would have taken his injury to someone he knew and trusted.

Fili went to his wagon and rummaged around in his pack. He found a shirt and a pair of spare breeches, although both would be too wide and probably also a bit too short for the stranger. Then he took the bolt of linen he had bought for his mother and tore off a strip of that as well.

The stranger was still standing there cradling his injured wrist and hadn’t relaxed the slightest bit.

“Right, so...” Fili pointed at the well. “You should wash the blood off, and then I can bandage it.”

At least the stranger seemed to understand what he said, because he went to the well and cautiously rinsed the blood off his wrist. Equipped with the strip of linen Fili waited until the wild creature of a man was ready to face him, and he waited until the stranger held out his arm.

“This will hurt a bit,” Fili said gently. “I wish I had something to treat the wound, but I’m not a healer. At least I can give you a clean bandage.”

The stranger hissed and flinched as Fili touched his wrist, but he didn’t bolt, so Fili was able to wrap the wrist into the bandage. And then he had no idea how to proceed.

“Um,” he said after a moment. “You do understand me, don’t you?”

The stranger nodded.

“So, do you have a name?”

He nodded again.

Fili waited, but it obviously took the young man a moment to realise that he was supposed to tell Fili his name.

“Kili.”

His voice was low and almost hoarse, and a bit unsteady. Fili wondered when the last time had been he had had to use that voice, living alone with no one to talk to.

“Kili,” he said and tried to smile. “That’s funny, because my name is Fili.”

The stranger didn’t smile back.

“So,” Fili said again after clearing his throat. “You’re alone out here, aren’t you?”

Kili nodded. Not that Fili had expected a profound conversation, but this was a tad bit exasperating. Then he told himself that Kili probably hadn’t spoken in a long time, by the look of it, and might have forgotten how to have a conversation at all.

“I don’t really know...” Fili shrugged. “Do you need some food? I don’t have much and it’s nothing special, but we can share. It’s enough for two.” He pointed at the napkin spread on the ground. “Just bread and cheese and a sausage.”

“Bread...”

That single word sounded so strange, so full of wonder and longing that Fili had to swallow past a lump in his throat when he saw the look in Kili’s eyes.

“Please,” Fili said and sat down. “Be my guest.”

It took a moment but then Kili slowly went down onto his knees, never taking his eyes off the food. Fili tore a small chunk off the bread and offered it to him, and Kili very slowly and cautiously extended his hand.

And then he stared at the bread as if he was looking at the most wondrous thing in the world, with tears springing free from his eyes and trickling down his cheeks.

Fili looked at his own piece of bread he had always taken for granted, and back up at Kili who was still staring at the bit of bread in his own hand.

“You haven’t had bread for a long time, right?”

Kili shook his head.

“For how long have you been alone out here?”

It took a moment for Kili to answer. “I don’t know.”

“What happened? Can you tell me?”

Finally, Kili tore his eyes away from the bread. “They killed them all. Mama and Papa and... everyone.”

Fili swallowed again. “Who did it?”

“I don’t know.”

Kili looked like a lost child, and a shiver crept down Fili’s spine. Most likely, he had been a child when it had happened.

“How old were you?”

It took even longer this time.

“I don’t... I think...” He closed his eyes, his fingers still closed around the bread as if he had forgotten that you were supposed to eat it and not worship it. “I would be a hunter next year...” His voice became a bit steadier as he spoke. “I think... ten... ten summers.”

Fili was at a loss for words. He was looking at a grown man, so it had been at least ten years. Kili was too scrawny and slender for a dwarf but too short to be a human, but it might have to do with the fact that he had likely known a lot of hunger during those years. He had been living alone in the wilderness for more than half of his life.

And Fili thought of his people back home, his mother and uncle and his friends, and how he had always taken their company for granted. How he was annoyed sometimes that they wouldn’t leave him in peace when he wanted to be alone in the forge. How he just greeted his mother with a muttered ‘Good evening’ when he came home, and here Kili had lost his mother as a child. He shuddered when he thought that he might even have had to watch her die with his own eyes.

In an attempt to distract himself – and Kili – from this train of thoughts, he pointed at the bread in Kili’s hands. “Eat,” he said. “Do you want cheese as well?”

Kili didn’t answer and hesitantly and slowly, brought his hand up to his mouth. He took a bite, and to Fili’s dismay, he began to cry.

“Mama’s bread was like this,” he whispered hoarsely. “Mama’s bread...”

Fili had to blink back his tears. Mahal, how Kili must have suffered for all those years.

“Kili,” he said softly. “I’m so sorry...”

Kili didn’t react as he was chewing the bread with tears streaming down his cheeks and dripping down his chin.

Fili remained silent while Kili ate, and tore off another chunk of the bread after Kili had finished his.

“Kili,” he said again. “How did you survive out there for so long?”

Kili’s eyes widened in panic, and he jumped up and vanished into the undergrowth before Fili could even get to his feet. Totally perplexed it took him a moment to rally his senses.

“Kili! Kili no!” He jogged a few steps into the direction Kili had vanished. “Kili! Don’t be scared! I won’t hurt you!”

No answer.

“Kili come back!”

But Kili was gone.

Fili went back to his little makeshift campsite and sat down again with a heavy sigh. He stared at the bread and the cheese and shook his head while fighting his tears.

In the end he packed up and took the nosebag off his pony, but he left the bread lying on the napkin next to the well, in the hopes that Kili might come back and find it. It was the only thing he could do. Wiping his eyes he took Minty’s reins again and turned his back to the well to continue his journey home.

* * *

Again, Kili ran until he couldn’t go on anymore. He had to run as man because his wounded leg wouldn’t have carried him, and eventually he stumbled to a halt with a sob. He sank to his knees and doubled over, and he began to cry again.

He was afraid, he was so afraid, and he needed to get away from those pitchforks and lances and spears and torches, he needed to run, needed to hide....

Fili didn’t have a spear or a lance or a pitchfork, and no torch either. He had been kind.

But Kili still heard the voices echoing in the night.

_Kill them all! Leave none of those monsters alive!_

He was a monster.

But Fili had been so kind...

Kili wanted to run and hide, but the bread, and the kind and friendly words, had awoken something in him that he had believed was gone forever. But it was back, had smouldered like embers covered with earth, and now it was burning as hot and painful as it had never before.

Without having made a conscious decision about it he turned around again, but when he realised what he was doing he slowed down and approached the road very cautiously.

Fili was gone, but the bread was still there. Kili had no time to think before he sank to his knees, and he took the bread with his vision blurring again. He ate, he gorged himself on this wonderful, beautiful bread until there wasn’t a single crumb of it left. He spend some more time pressing the napkin to his face, inhaling the scent of bread and something else, something that awoke even more memories he had believed forgotten.

He was afraid, but the burning longing was stronger than his fear. He checked the hoof prints and after hiding into the undergrowth again, followed Fili and his pony northwards.

* * *

It was when Fili made camp for the night, the second day after he had met Kili, that he got the feeling someone was following him.

Bandits? Outcasts? Here in the middle of nowhere?

He felt a faint hope that he didn’t want to allow himself, but he still slept with his hand on the hilt of his sword that night, relying on his pony to alert him should anyone approach. No one did, and Fili was on the road again with sunrise.

He wasn’t sure if he was still being followed, but he travelled even slower now. If it had been bandits he thought he had heard the night before, then they would have made their move while he had been sleeping. Probably.

It was when he broke camp again the next morning that he heard a rustling in the bushes somewhere to his left as he was rolling up his blanket. He froze and cocked his head to listen, but all he could hear now were birds and leaves rustling in the wind.

As silently as he could he crept behind a tree and peeked around the trunk across the road.

A wolf had stepped free of the thick shrubs next to the road, and cautiously, nose extended, took a few steps into the open. It was limping and favouring one paw.

Something wasn’t right though, but it took Fili a moment in his fear to realise what it was.

The lower part of the injured leg was wrapped into a linen bandage.

And suddenly, it all made sense.

Kili was a skinchanger, a man who could turn into an animal, and it had been humans, in their stupid superstition, who had killed his family.

“Kili!”

The wolf spun around and ran as fast as his wounded leg would carry him.

“Kili no! Don’t be afraid!” Fili got to his feet and followed the wounded creature. “I won’t hurt you! I know what you are!”

The wolf slowed down, but didn’t stop.

“Kili! You don’t have to be afraid! I’m not a human! I don’t believe you’re evil! I won’t hurt you! Please come back!”

Now the wolf stopped, and after an agonizingly long moment in which Fili was holding his breath, he turned around and very hesitantly, limped back.

“Yes, don’t be afraid,” Fili said as the wolf got closer, and lowered himself onto his knees. “Don’t be afraid.”

The wolf had reached him now, and in a strange, fluid motion Fili’s mind couldn’t quite process, the fur vanished and the limbs stretched and shrunk, and Kili was a man again.

“Don’t be afraid,” Fili said softly.

And Kili sank to his knees as well and burst into tears.

Fili didn’t think, he just moved forward to embrace him, and Kili fell into his embrace and went completely to pieces. Fili held him and rocked him back and forth, giving up on fighting his own tears as he held him.

Mahal, how he must have suffered. Losing everyone he had loved and cared about, learning to survive completely on his own, a life full or peril and hunger and loneliness, and being forced to live as an animal. He smelled like a wild animal too, musky and earthy, unwashed but not rancid, and as he held him Fili realised again how thin he was. There were firm muscles under Kili’s skin, but too little of them, and he just knew his mother would feed him honeyed milk, and roasts, and bread, and cake, and sweet buns lathered with butter, until he had sufficiently filled out his form.

Would she? Would his family welcome and accept this half-wild creature of a man like Fili had welcomed and accepted him? But what choice did he have but try? He couldn’t leave Kili alone out here again.

But no, he couldn’t imagine his mother turning someone away who was in so dire need for comfort and food and shelter. She was a strong and down-to-earth woman, but she had a warm and generous heart.

And Kili? Would he have the courage to face other people again?

Kili needed a long time to calm down again, but when he eventually leaned back, his face wet and his eyes red and puffy and still brimming with tears, there was a tiny and hesitant smile playing around the corners of his mouth.

“You won’t hurt me?”

“Never,” Fili said as firmly as he could. “And neither will any of my people. We don’t see skinchangers as something evil.”

“Your...people?”

“Aye.” Fili smiled at him. “I am not a human, I am one of the mountain folk.”

“The... mountain folk?” Kili looked more confused than ever.

“Humans call us dwarves, but we call ourselves mountain folk, or Durin’s people. You never heard of us?”

Kili mutely shook his head.

Fili mustered Kili again, took in the scrawny body, the scared eyes, and the bandaged wrist. “So this is how you survived, isn't it. You turned into a wolf.” He sighed. “And you thought I was a human and would want to kill you.”

This time, Kili nodded.

They looked at each other in silence, and then Kili suddenly extended a hand. Fili blinked but didn’t move when a cautious finger suddenly brushed his cheek and one of his moustache braids in a feather-light touch.

“You have eyes like the moon,” Kili whispered. “And hair like the sun.”

Fili tried to smile, but was in turn mesmerised by the look in Kili’s deep and warm, brown eyes, and for a moment it almost felt as if Kili was about to kiss him. But he was also looking at Fili’s face in a mix of awe and confusion; he most likely had no idea what it was that he was feeling.

And although Fili definitely felt an attraction to this beautiful man, he didn’t give in to this moment and the temptation to kiss him. He would not take advantage of Kili's desperate longing for companionship. And while Kili was clearly a grown man, Fili wasn’t sure that, with having grown up completely alone, his mind was mature enough to understand what was happening and what the consequences could be.

So instead of acting on his suddenly awakening desires Fili leaned back and got up, but extended a hand to Kili to help him onto his feet again.

Kili looked even more confused now, but could smile back when Fili smiled at him.

“You probably need some clothes,” Fili said and headed for his wagon.

He found his spare clothes and turned around, and he could see that Kili looked uncomfortable, all of a sudden. He had most likely just remembered that he was naked and what it meant to be naked; it hadn’t made a difference when he had been alone and mostly an animal, but it made a difference now.

So Fili handed him the clothes while tactfully looking away, and he turned around and just listened to Kili struggling with clothes that had to feel strange and probably uncomfortable to him.

“I guess they don’t really fit,” Fili said when he couldn’t hear anything anymore and cautiously turned around.

Kili was standing there with his feet slightly apart and his arms held away from his body, as if he was encased in thick padded armour instead of a single layer of fabric. He looked completely helpless, and when he moved, he walked as ungraceful as a stork. But the smile died on Fili’s face before it had fully emerged when he remembered why Kili was acting like this.

“Right...” Fili said after a moment. “We should get started so we can make a few more miles. We should reach the mountains in a day or two, depending on the weather.”

Kili took another clumsy step. “But where... where will you go?”  
“We,” Fili said pointedly, “are going north.” And then he smiled. “Home.”

“Home,” Kili whispered and looked straight ahead at the road winding upwards towards the mountains looming at the horizon.

* * *

“Home...”

He could hardly remember it. There was a vague feeling of having been safe once. A homely fire, and a kettle with soup, and the voice of his mother singing softly while her needle worked through coloured fabric. A soft place to sleep. Being warm. Pictures and feelings as faint as shadows on a cloudy day.

Home.

The various holes and caves he had been living in through the years had been shelter, but never home.

Home.

Kili could hardly remember the feeling of having a home, and he couldn’t imagine what it might be.

But he followed Fili who took the reins of his pony again, and they followed the road north towards the mountain. Fili told him stories about people he didn’t know but whom Fili promised he would meet.

He himself didn’t really have anything to talk about, so he listened. Sometimes he cried because he couldn’t fathom he was no longer alone, and Fili’s embrace was comforting and scary at the same time.

What if his people wouldn’t want him after all? How could he go back to living alone again after finally having met someone to talk to, to be with, to eat with? Food...

How could he ever go without bread again?

But he followed Fili and the pony and the wagon, heading north, and they left the shore of the lake behind. The weather was gracious as well and they passed the city of Dale on mid-morning of their third day without getting wet or cold. Kili stared at the walls and houses with wide eyes and walked as close to Fili as he could.

So many people. Most of them paid the two travellers no mind, but were they truly all friendly?

Kili had never seen cities, or mountains, and he stared and stared until his eyes were burning. The world was so different here. So wondrous. So wonderful.

“Do you see those statues?” Fili pointed at the flank of the mountain that rose up before them. “This is where we are headed. Erebor.” Then he smiled at Kili. “Home.”

Home...

The statues grew and grew without coming any nearer, and when they had finally reached the gates into the mountain, Kili stared at them with his mouth agape.

“Fili!”

Kili almost jumped out of his skin.

“Fili! Welcome... what in Mahal’s name is that?”

“Who, not what,” Fili replied almost sharply. “His name is Kili.”

Kili looked at the man who had spoken, a man so broad and muscled that he reminded Kili of a bear. He was half-bald and had strange symbols painted on his head, and he had a fierce beard and an equally fierce scowl.

“Dwalin, this is Kili. It’s... it’s a long story. For now, would you just take care of Minty please? We really need some food, and a bath, and some rest.”

“You go laddie,” the man who Fili had called Dwalin said and took the reins. Dwalin, the hero of so many stories Fili had told him on the road. And now he looked at Kili, and mustered him up and down for a moment. “Your mother will adopt him in no time, you know that,” he said.

“I sincerely hope so,” Fili said. “He lost his family and he is all alone.”

“Well then,” Dwalin said after a moment. “Kili, is it?”

Too intimidated to speak, Kili could only nod.

“Welcome to Erebor,” Dwalin said.

And then Fili took Kili’s hand and led him through the gate into the cool shadows of the mountain.


	3. Chapter 3

As predicted, Dis had taken one look at the scared and scrawny creature and all her mothering instincts had kicked in, and she had fed him until he had been ready to burst at the seams. Kili and his big brown eyes had instantly captured her warm, motherly heart, and the question if Kili would stay with Fili and his family never arose.

While not a human Kili still had the built of one, or would have had if he hadn’t been on the brink of starvation through parts of his childhood and all of his adolescence. So he was, while still a bit taller than most dwarves, rather short for a human, and didn’t fit in too badly with the mountain folk, even if he would never have their broad and muscular form despite Dis doing her best to amend that. 

It took Kili a long time to adjust; wearing clothes was easy, but being among so many people again was difficult for him. He was very easily startled in the beginning, and large groups of people made him uncomfortable for a very long time. Yet adjust he did, and eventually he really began to settle and feel at home in the mountain. Being among people and having a family also now helped him mature, so his mind could become that of a man to fit his body. 

He wasn‘t much of a warrior, at least not yet as he worked really hard on his fighting skills, but he had discovered archery fairly early on. And now, after just three years, he was one of the best archers in the entire mountain. And it suited the tall and graceful Kili, another reason for those who didn’t like foreigners to pick on him. Fili had already broken the nose of a dwarf who had dared to call Kili an elf-spawn. Not that he needed to protect Kili, but he wouldn’t let anyone badmouth him. 

After Kili had overcome his initial shyness and discomfort within larger groups of people he soon became a true ray of sunshine; an incredible happiness was always radiating from him that was infectious to all who met him. His laughter was like a sunrise and his smile could light up a room.

Fili’s heart clenched a bit every time he saw that smile and heard that laughter, but he didn’t show his feelings, especially not to Kili. His uncle Thorin had told him, and rightly so, that Kili would latch on to him without thought because he saw Fili as his saviour, and that he might do anything Fili wanted of him without being aware of it, or aware of his true feelings.

So Fili kept his distance and did his best to treat Kili like a brother instead of a man he had irrevocably fallen in love with.

They lived as brothers, and did everything that brothers did together, but Fili suffered every time Kili winked at a lass, in the tavern or when they headed to the marketplace. And the lasses, they winked back because Kili had something special about him. Not only wasn’t he a dwarf, but he had also a charm that made him irresistible. 

On this particular day Fili was already out of the quarters of his family and on his way to the forge before even his mother had left her bed; he had been out in the tavern with Kili the night before and Kili… Kili hadn’t gone home with him but with someone else. A pretty young dwarrowdam had invited him, and Kili had followed her. He hadn’t come home that night. 

That day Fili laboured in the forges with the determination of the damned. He pumped the bellows and swung his hammer as if he had to overcome a mortal enemy. When he came home late that evening his mother gave him one of her long, knowing looks that always made him uncomfortable, but she said nothing as she put a bowl of stew in front of him. 

Kili was home, Fili discovered, but he was already in his bed and asleep. Or at least in his bed. On his way to his own room Fili passed Kili’s and he couldn’t stop himself from listening at the door for a second or two. He heard the rustling of someone tossing around in his bed, but of course he didn’t knock and ask what was wrong because that wasn’t any of his business. 

Kili was subdued and silent during breakfast the next morning as Fili was brooding over his porridge, unable to meet Kili’s eyes. He went to work feeling irritated and angry with himself. 

He managed to go on until lunch, but after they had eaten, Fili asked his master to excuse him for the rest of the day. Master Drogan, fully aware that something heavy was on his apprentice’s mind, just nodded and told Fili to come back once his mind was settled again lest he burn himself or broke his thumb with his hammer. 

Becoming increasingly worries about Kili, Fili had to know what had happened during that night Kili had had his first sexual encounter – or the first one that Fili was aware of. After some enquiries he found Kili in a small clearing on a rocky outcrop at the flank of the mountain, which was overlooking the eastern valley and the small stream thundering down the valley. 

For a moment Fili just drank in the sight of Kili sitting on a rock with the wind tossing his hair about, untamed by braids in a very un-dwarven fashion. Fili loved his hair like that and sometimes his fingers itched with the urge to toy with the dark, lively strands. 

Kili wasn’t wearing his heavy outer tunic, but it was lying on the ground next to him. Fili knew that this meant he had been roaming the wilderness beyond the mountain as a wolf again. 

Everyone in the mountain knew what Kili was, and no one particularly cared because Kili’s mind was still in the wolf, and there wasn’t any danger that he would go after the livestock. So Kili was truly free here, and safe, and Fili couldn’t thank Mahal enough that he had brought them together.

Fili approached him now, making sure Kili would hear him and not think he had crept up on him, even though Fili had taken his time to admire the view, and Kili turned his head to look at him. When he saw it was Fili a smile appeared on his lips, but it didn’t reach his eyes. 

“Hey.” Fili sat down onto the rock next to him. “What’s wrong?”  
Kili took a deep breath and tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “You… you’re angry with me.”

Fili froze and had no idea what to say. Then he cleared his throat and forced his brain to work again. 

“Why do you think that? Kili, I’m not angry.”  
“But you’re avoiding me.”  
“That… that’s…”  
“Not true? You didn’t talk to me this morning. And yesterday you left before breakfast and stayed in the forge until long after supper.” 

Kili drew his eyebrows together, and he turned from hurt puppy into… something Fili didn’t want to dwell on as it was an entirely inappropriate thing to think about your brother. Step-brother. Sort-of-brother. Sort of…

“Fili?”

Fili blinked and cleared his throat again. “I… I am not angry. I’m just…”  
“Not talking to me.”  
“I am talking to you now!”  
Now Kili bit his lips. “I know.”

“Kili,” Fili said with a heavy sigh. “Maybe I… I don’t really know what’s wrong.”  
“And I think you do, you just don’t want to tell me.” The eyebrows drew even closer together.   
“I don’t…” Fili ran his hands through his hair and shook his head. “I just…”  
“Fili.” Kili turned around to face him. “Can I have the truth, please? This not knowing is worse than hearing something that hurts.”

Fili had to admit that he was right, so he tried to think of a way to put it. 

“I think… I was… I think I was jealous.”

Now it was Kili’s turn to blink in confusion. “What? Jealous of me?”  
“No, jealous of her,” Fili went on, and he spoke faster and faster now that he had finally broken the dam. “You went with her and I know I wanted you to become your own man and live your own life, but I realised I want to be the most important person in your life, and I know it’s wrong and I am ashamed of that feeling because you’re not my property and I-”  
“Fili!”

Fili snapped his mouth shut. 

“Fili, are you serious?”

Fili could only nod, but he couldn’t meet Kili’s eyes anymore. 

For a long moment, the only sound were the wind, and the stream down in the valley, and a blackbird in a tree above them. 

“Fili, can you look at me?”  
Fili forced himself to look up. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to… to make you angry now.”  
“I’m not angry.” The eyebrows loosened up as Kili seemed more confused than anything else now. “I’m just… I don’t even know what I am. I wanted to talk to you about last night and you were… closed off and I don’t know what I did wrong.”  
“You did nothing wrong, Kili.” Fili looked down into the valley with a sigh. “I am an idiot for acting so possessive. I should be happy you are your own man, not jealous.”

Now Kili adjusted his position and looked down into the valley too. 

“I didn’t mean to make you jealous,” he muttered.  
“It’s not your fault. You have every right to do what feels right.”  
“And that’s… kind of the problem.”

Fili looked up again, but Kili still stared into the valley. The eyebrows were doing the thing again, but this time it wasn’t Fili on the receiving end of that stare, but memories. 

“What is?” Fili asked after a moment.   
“That it didn’t feel right,” Kili said. “It was… it didn’t feel right.”  
“You… didn’t enjoy it?”  
Kili mutely shook his head.   
“Oh.”

The blackbird took off and the silence became heavier. 

“I didn’t like it,” Kili finally said.   
“I’m sorry,” Fili replied, because he had no idea what else to say.   
“We did it… once… but it didn’t feel as good as I thought it would. You know… everyone talks about the lasses and how they make you feel like the king of the world and everything…” Kili sighed. “But I just wanted… I didn’t want to stay so I left again, and I didn’t dare to come home, but I couldn’t sleep anyway so I came here and waited for the sunrise.”

Fili still had no idea what to say. So instead, he touched Kili’s shoulder because he wanted to offer some sort of comfort. 

Now Kili looked up at him again with a watery smile. “It just… her body wasn’t… I thought about it, you know. When I was sitting here watching the sun rise.”  
“About her body?” Fili forced his face to relax.  
“No, about… what I felt. You know, I saw dwarrow with other dwarrow instead of dwarrowdams, and… for some reason I feel that… I mean I did a bit of kissing every now and then, but that… I liked the kisses with a dwarrow more. So I think that...”  
“That you’d rather be with a male partner?”

Kili nodded and looked utterly miserable. 

“Hey,” Fili said gently. “That’s nothing to be ashamed of.”  
“I know… I mean, no one is ashamed of it, or ashamed to show it. But what I realised is that… that it means… that what I feel for… someone…” Kili was groping for words. “It’s… it’s more.”  
“More than…?” Fili gritted his teeth as he waited for the answer.  
“More than… than I should, I think.” Kili looked into the valley again. “I don’t think it’s appropriate to feel… that way… about him.”

Fili was having a hard time to keep his facial expression neutral and his voice calm. “And why would that be?” 

He had to wait for the answer a very long time. 

“I asked Mother Dis about it,” Kili eventually said in a very small voice. “And she said there’s nothing wrong with it, but Uncle Thorin got angry… not really angry I mean, but… he was…”  
“Displeased,” Fili offered, because he had known Thorin for much longer than Kili had.  
“Yes,” Kili said with a sigh. “Mightily so. He said it wasn’t appropriate. And then Mother Dis said that he should…” A faint blush appeared on Kili’s cheeks.  
“She told him to stop talking nonsense.”  
“Well she used another word.”  
“I can imagine.” Fili had to chuckle. “So, did Thorin say why it wasn’t appropriate?”

Kili stared straight ahead, and he remained silent.

“Kili?”

“Fili…” Kili still looked into the valley as if the river could give him the answers he was looking for. “Are we brothers?”

Fili closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed hard, which was lost on Kili because he was looking at the river below.

“We are, and then, we’re not.”  
“I don’t… I don’t understand.”  
“I don’t quite know either,” Fili went on. “I mean, my mother has adopted you, and you live in our house, and we do so many things together, and we know each other so well, but we have not known each other for all our lifetime, and we’re not related by blood. I honestly don’t know what that makes us.” Then he took a deep breath. “Why?”

Kili looked up again, hurt and confusion in his beautiful brown eyes. “Uncle Thorin said it’s not appropriate because we’re practically brothers, and it’s wrong because you’re my saviour and I am only latching onto you because of that, and he didn’t want to listen when I said that I haven’t been feeling like this for long yet.”

Then he stared at Fili as if he expected him to bolt. 

“But I’m not,” Kili went on in a low, somewhat rough voice. “I’m not latching on… I’m not a baby at the teat. I know you saved me, but I don’t have any reason to feel that you are my lord or… I don’t know what Thorin thinks. I just know that I’ve been feeling this thing since not so long after Thorin declared me battle-ready as if I am a real dwarrow, and I thought now I am a man, and maybe I can find a spouse one day. And that’s when I realized… the moment I thought that, I thought of you.” 

He swallowed and shook his head. 

“Yes, you saved me, but so did everyone else here under the mountain, but no one has those beautiful eyes the colour of the moon and hair the colour of the sun, and no one is so kind and generous and beautiful, and I adore everything about you and especially that thing your nose does, I just want to kiss it every time.” He was on the verge of tears.

Fili was so perplexed that the only thing he could say was: “The thing my nose does?”  
“It crinkles,” Kili said with a crooked smile and shimmering eyes. “Every time you laugh or smile your nose does that adorable crinkle and I just… want to kiss it.”

It was when Kili looked at his feet with hunched shoulders that Fili realised that he should probably say something to that. Only, he had no idea what.

“Um,” he finally managed. “I never thought anyone would use the word adorable in the same sentence as my nose.”  
Kili giggled, a tiny bit too loud. “I just don’t… it’s… it simply is.”

Then their eyes met, and for a moment, they just looked at each other. 

And then Kili reached out, and hesitantly, touched Fili’s cheek, a feather-light brush of his finger that made Fili shiver. It almost felt like the first touch, back then, on a late summer day on the road home, and yet it was different, and so much more. 

“I know that you saved me,” Kili said in a low voice. “But that’s not why I fell in love with you. I fell in love with you because of what and who you are.”

Fili was mesmerised by the look in Kili’s eyes, and only when he saw the warmth vanish from them, accompanied by a furrow on Kili’s forehead did he realise that Kili was still waiting for Fili to say something.

So he reached out and touched Kili’s cheek in turn, caressing the soft hair that Kili was so desperately trying to grow into a decent beard, and he felt a lovesick smile creep onto his face that he had no means and no desire to suppress. Hesitantly and cautiously, Kili returned that smile, and then they both leaned in towards each other. 

The first touch of lips was shy and soft and hardly there, but then they closed their eyes and kissed again. It was a kiss full of warm affection, and of shyly awakening desires, and it became more passionate as they closed their arms around each other. 

They were breathing heavily now, their breath grazing each other’s lips, and when they finally had to break the kiss they still sat with their arms around each other, with their temples touching as they watched the sun lower and then vanish behind the western ridges. 

It was quickly growing cold this time of year as the autumn sun didn’t really warm the ground anymore, and the two eventually left the little clearing and followed the narrow path down towards the western gate. 

It was long after supper when they got home, but Dis had kept the stew warm and put two large bowls in front of her son and step-son, together with a basket of bread. Bread had never lost its wondrous appeal to Kili, one of the few memories of a happier childhood, and Dis always had a warm, affectionate smile for him when he worshipped her bread with nose and eyes before eating it. 

Fili couldn’t take his eyes off him, and at one point he happened to look at his mother. Dis lifted both eyebrows but said nothing, and Fili quickly busied himself with his stew. 

Not quite over the initial shyness Kili and Fili went do bed in their respective rooms, but neither of them could find any rest. It was close to midnight when Fili was torn out of his memories by an tentative knock on his door. 

“Yes?”

The door opened and Kili flit in before hastily closing the door behind him. Then he hunched his shoulders a bit and chewed on his lower lip as he hesitantly looked up at Fili. Fili said up in the bed and swallowed hard at the sight of Kili in his soft night clothes that were almost translucent in the firelight. He took a deep breath, but lifted a corner of his blanket with a smile.

Kili didn’t need another invitation and quickly slipped into Fili’s bed. The moment Fili dropped his blanket the two had their arms around each other, and their kisses quickly turned from soft and shy to passionate and almost hungry. They entwined their legs, but Kili broke the kiss with a low, urgent hum as Fili’s fingers slipped under his shirt. 

Fili’s hand caressed the skin on Kili’s back, and after a moment Kili sat up and lifted his arms. Fili quickly sat up as well and slowly, pulled Kili’s shirt up and over his head. His hands roamed Kili’s chest after he had dropped his own shirt, but a frown appeared on Fili’s face as he touched Kili’s side. Just below the last rib, four long, parallel scars stood out as thick welts under his fingers.

“It was a lynx,” Kili said in a low, hesitant voice. “The winter was terribly cold and hard, and we were both starving. The doe had been her kill, but it was her or me.”  
“And you won.” Fili caressed the scars with a soft touch.  
“Yes,” Kili replied and looked past Fili’s face, at a memory only he could see. “The first animal I killed that I didn’t eat.”

Fili exhaled softly with closed eyes and let his hand wander up Kili’s arm. When his fingers touched Kili’s face he leaned forward, and Kili closed his eyes with parted lips. 

The light of the fire danced across their bare skin in soft hues of gold and orange, revealing one moment and hiding it the next again in shadow. Their hands roamed and caressed every inch of each other’s bodies, more skin laid bare with shy and hesitant touches as they kissed. 

The flickering firelight cast the room in a restless, everchanging blend of light and shadow, but the fire Kili felt everytime Fili touched him burned hotter than any flame. He closed his eyes as Fili’s lips trailed kisses across and down his body, and he shivered with delicious anticipation as he waited for the last touch, the one he wanted most right now. 

Kili opened his eyes to see Fili outlined by the fire burning in the fireplace behind him, a halo of dancing golden light enveloping him, making him look as if he was made from sunlight. 

“You are so beautiful,” Kili whispered, his voice husky.

Fili smiled, hardly noticeable because his face was mostly cast in shadow. He reached out to caress Kili’s cheek, but before Kili could say anything else Fili lowered his head. 

Kili could no longer think, only feel. He had never felt like this, as if the fire was running through his veins with every beat of his heart, and his release had never felt like this either. 

His body was still glowing, his heartbeat slowing down again, as he felt himself enveloped by a pair of strong arms and pulled against a broad and muscular chest. 

Listening to Fili’s heartbeat Kili closed his eyes and relished the feeling of warmth and safety and comfort that this embrace gave him. 

He was safe. He was where he belonged. He was home. 

In the fireplace, a burning log broke in a shower of golden sparks.


End file.
